Do you send dirty pictures?

“If I get you these, will you model them for me?”

       “You gonna get them?”

        “Are you gonna model them?”

        “Then buy them.”

        “You think I’m bullshittin.”

         “The register’s right there.”

         “Alright. You think I’m playing.”


        Later that night, as we were texting, I sent him a picture with the subject “Model Shots” with the message, “You never said it had to be in person 🙂 “

         “Can I get one with you standing up?” He wrote back.

         That’s when I went to sleep.

     I’m a fan of the BBM pose. I know I’m the not the only girl who takes pictures of herself. More than you should. For every one picture a girl puts up, she’s actually taken dozens. Once you get the hang of it,  it’s a little hard to stop. You know where should stand. How you should stand. Where to put that hand. The right tilt for your face. The angle of the camera. The lighting. It’s all so theatrical. But it’s all so necessary. 

     I’m going to be the first to admit what we all won’t say: I like to send pictures. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sending pictures to everyone out there. But it would be nice to have one person to send them to, right? If I were in… something… with someone, there’d be a purpose to the pictures in my iPhoto Library. For now, they jus piling up. It’s really just a “so you know” kinda thing. & it’s fun. It’s always fun to be a tease. I’ll be a tease for as long as I live.  I guess the danger of sending a guy a picture is that he might send it to or show other people. & no matter how sincere or respectful you think he is, he’s showing someone. So what do you do? Not send pics? Nah… just make sure the ones you send areon point. 

     There are three purposes to sending dirty pictures: For him, for his boys and for the bitches. For him: Ideally, the pictures should give him something to look forward to. Shopping is your best opportunity. If you’re out trying on clothes, send him a pic and ask his opinion. But make sure it’s a good pic. This will make him feel like he’s right there with you. In the dressing room. & booyy would he love to be. Or take pics and have them as back up. So even if you aren’t doing anything, you can send him a stash pic in the middle of the day to excite him. For his boys: A man wants to show off. & he should be able to. Even if you’re his girlfriend. There’s nothing more ego boosting to man than to have his friends jealous of him. Especially if its because of a female. Gives them a sense of superiority. & I also think that it’ll make them want to keep you around. He won’t let you go if all his boys want you. Not if he’s smart. For the Bitches: The idea is this as follows: Girls will want him (hopefully. lol. unless you dating a bum. Then you’re safe & need not read on.). I’d want my photo to be a literal blueprint. If that girl wants you, I want you to pull out my picture and decide if she’s better than me. If she is, by all means, proceed. If she’s not, I want you to show her the photo and explain to her that she ain’t got shit on me. She’ll have nothing to say. Problem solved. 

      & Here’s how I start out. I send one. (This also has to be after a period of good behavior on his part.) I don’t flood with them at first…. but, good behavior gets you more privileges. If he deserves more, he gets more. If he doesn’t he doesn’t. Simple. There’s… no science to it, really. 

     When I first got my Mac, I went picture crazy. Pictures on this bad boy take on new life. I went so far as to make a slide show. The shit had music to it too. Drake’s “Shut it Down” to be exact cuz the song just says “These girls aint got nothing on you…” It was a subliminal message from me to _____. As the pictures slide by, it looks like I’m taking my clothes off… but it ends when the bra drops. You never get to see anything. & it had a title slide & everything. “The Tease” I called it. psshhh… It’s a pretty fuckin good video. Thing is, I was “involved” semi long distance. & I’m all for entertaining someone who entertains me. It lasted a summer. Which is a pretty long time at a distance. I once brought my computer to Sabrina’s house and we were messing around with music. All of a sudden, the video started playing. The only thing I could do was shut the screen. After that, she wouldn’t stop making slick comments about how I’m a “freeeaakkk” (and she would say it like that). I just laughed. Well, to keep a man entertained at a distance, you’ve got to pull some tricks out the hat. We were actually better from a far than we were together…. & now he has a handful of photos and a video… Sometimes I regret it… But they were all pretty good.

In sum… there’s nothing with dirty pictures if they’re good pictures [and your old enough!].
     So if you’re reading this… and your boo is somewhere out there, I encourage you to send him a quick flick. It’ll make his night. If he’s the type to be out with his boys on a Saturday night, send the picture under the subject “In case you need a reminder.” If that’s your boo forreal, I suggest you accompany the photo with, “Yours” to keep it sweet.  But if he’s close enough to you. & not busy, send the picture with the subject, “Come get this.” (That one’s the business, right?) Yea… he’ll be there soon.
Strike a pose, bitches 😉

I can’t wait to see how many views this post gets. You people are nasty.

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