written by @PresidentELLA
On my birthday, I got an angry IG post subliminally dedicated to me by a female who has my phone number but no courage to dial. On Easter morning, I was called a bitch by a woman who should’ve invited me to church. I’ve never gone through the “ex” drama… But I find it amazing when people don’t see why they were left right where they are. It confuses me when grown people hold onto other human beings who don’t want to be with them. I’ll admit: I chased once before. I was barely 21 and I’ve learned. What does it take to get to make a woman get “over” what she used to (sort of) have?
Ultimately, I’ve learned that we are all exactly who we are and no one is required to like you. I’ve also learned that sometimes, I’m the problem & it’s on me to decide if I want to change that, or not. The true issue is… Seeing the issue: some people just need attention and will take it the easiest way it comes. Some people go home at night and are left assaulted with their own insecurities so, upon waking, they either find someone to blame it on… Or someone to transfer the pain to. Thank God I’ve never clamored for approval or acceptance and am strong enough to deal with my emotions privately.
My biggest difficulty to date is understanding why I need anyone in my life. If anything, I push men away as fast as they come, just so that we don’t waste any extra time. I try to legitimately weigh the effect people have on my life and determine how truly influential they are on a day-to-day basis. If it’s not a positive or beneficial relationship, what is it? Why maintain it? I don’t believe in keeping old bridges in my life for no reason. Even unused bridges require maintenance otherwise, they’ll collapse under you the next time you try to come across. Old bridges, like old rollercoasters, are the most dangerous. They are built upon foundations that might have cracked over time, or they’re now missing the better, more effective support new bridges have.
When I talk about “bitter” people it’s certainly not limited to females or my boyfriends ex’s and ex-flings — I refer to anyone who feels like they should always be a part of your life or those who feel like they can do you dirty because they (maybe) helped you once upon a time. Anyone who can speak poorly about you is not worthy of your concern: they obviously don’t think highly of you. Anyone who can speak poorly about you could have never truly cared for you in the first place, otherwise they’d feel guilt in attacking you. They’ve always felt the way they feel, now they just feel hurt enough to speak their emotions. There are people who will stick around you through bad blood, just to be in your face — just to have some sort of connection with you. You have to ask yourself if that’s truly worth your time. I don’t rekindle old relationships, I just excuse myself on the best terms I can. If I’ve ever fallen out of a relationship/friendship with someone, it takes quite some effort to insert yourself in my life again because I believe people the first time they show me who they really are. The only friendship I’ve rekindled is because I found out that somebody liked to gossip… Well, we’re best friends now so I know the dirt he knows but he also now knows better than to the talk about my business. I learned to watch who I hang with & he learned to be weary of my name coming up conversation. Now, we are positive influences in eachother’s lives.
I’ve cut a lot of people off. Friends from the first grade & just about everyone I graduated high school with, by the time I was a freshman in college, I learned to limit my relationships from the very beginning to limit the BS later… I don’t deal with drama, I let the drama be itself elsewhere. You can’t change people or their issues with you — especially not in the days of Instagram where subliminal memes posted on a private account make people think they’re “real”. The problem with bitter people is that they’re nothing but a lot of mouth, so you have to let them do the only thing they know how to do: talk about everyone else because their own life isn’t worth talking about.
In sum, I deal with bitter people by not dealing with them at all. I don’t involve myself or let them pull me down to their level (as badly as I might want to), I find my own way to show them how to behave. I keep my circle straight, keep my eyes on my figures, cash my checks & be about my business.
Oh, & I talk to God about it before I post shit on the Internet. I’ll say a little prayer for you 😉