I can’t remember the last thing he “did” for me. He liked to say that our trip to Jamaica in July last year was my “best vacation” ever because it was all-inclusive and he barely had to plan anything… I know he’s wrong because I loved Cuba more (& I went with my mom). We had gotten into arguments on the flight to and from paradise and I can’t tell you why I hung on… trying to make it to 3 years; wasting my precious time.
How many times are you supposed to forgive someone you love? God says as many times as they hurt you, but your bff’s answer is “Never”. But if you’ve ever actually been in a relationship, you know the answer is, “As many times as I damned well please” 💁🏽♀️ With this last break up, I learned the hard way to stop looking to friends for comfort, especially if you don’t want advice.
Written by President ELLA
We all have lists of what we want in a relationship and in a partner, don’t we? Even if you haven’t consciously figured it out and written down your list just yet, we all have preferences — and we’re allowed to. I have the right to choose tall dark and handsome, or… not. But one thing I think we all want, is to be loved. We all want to be desired and I’ve learned that even though I want to feel like my man “loves me more”, I need to love him just as much.
I’m not perfect because I’m petty. “Petty” is uncapping the syrup bottle and doing pirouettes in the kitchen because he thinks he can get get rid of you easy and you think to yourself, “Nah, playboy. Dealing with me is a sticky situation.” I don’t know if the syrup was worse than the egging but I do know that he should have never done whatever it was he did (because you know I already forgot what it was). Really… I was just angry… at everything.
“You have anger issues,” he likes to tell me. But.. No, I’m just not happy as I should be.
I don’t know if it’s over. As of this minute, it is, but you know how arguments go. Thing is, I don’t want to be with anyone who doesn’t want to be with me. I suppose I’m at that point where I’m letting a dog roam. He’ll soon learn that I’m off limits once he’s walked out of my door because I don’t take in strays. He’s gotten upset at me before, for being able to get so cold and cut off my love. But, after my last “relationship” I’ve learned that no relationship matters enough to lose my happiness.
I’m definitely clingy. I know this because he just told me I am about an hour ago. Until just now, I’ve been trying to fight admitting the fact that I want to be all up under my guy as much as possible… but enough of the denial. There have always been particular labels I think a woman tries to avoid in her life: bitch, hoe, prude, crazy, dumb and (seemingly less threatening of these) clingy. I didn’t think I was clingy until I admitted to myself that I am most comfortable doing what I love in life, when I have love in my life. I tell you… it’s hard to focus when you don’t know where your man is. But when you feel supported and loved, there’s nothing you can’t handle
Written by @PresidentElla
“I can’t wait to have kids,” he told me as I sat trying to dry myself from a water balloon fight that could make me step mom of the year, if that’s the title I wanted. “I can,” I responded. “Not for you? ,” he asked. I quickly and quietly mentioned time, finances and patience – the things they say love can conquer until the rent is due but you have to take a day off of work because your child has been acting out, again because his dad isn’t around or able to pick him up from school or pay for private education. I know I jump off into the deep end but, let’s face it: Shit happens, often.
Written by @PresidentElla
If there is one thing that gives me a hard time in a relationship… it’s my own mind. The worst, most testing question is “What is a relationship, really?” What role do I play? What role does he play? What are my expectations and are those expectations justified? Do I think Im greater than I actually am, or does he need to step his game up? We see ourselves as such beautiful reflections, but that vision is skewed in the eyes of others. Am I as great as I think I am?