What I prefer is a compliment; unexpected additions to my life that somehow make it better than I imagined. Sometimes, you don’t know what you’re looking for until it’s given to you. Sometimes, there is just something missing or “off” and it’s difficult, if not impossible to pinpoint exactly why this relationship isn’t working. While I knew I wanted to be supported in my dreams, I didn’t understand how or how much. People love to talk that “my other half” and “50/50” talk but, to me, that just sounds like I’m missing something. Am I missing half of me? Would I only be half of myself without another person?
I can’t remember the last thing he “did” for me. He liked to say that our trip to Jamaica in July last year was my “best vacation” ever because it was all-inclusive and he barely had to plan anything… I know he’s wrong because I loved Cuba more (& I went with my mom). We had gotten into arguments on the flight to and from paradise and I can’t tell you why I hung on… trying to make it to 3 years; wasting my precious time.
How many times are you supposed to forgive someone you love? God says as many times as they hurt you, but your bff’s answer is “Never”. But if you’ve ever actually been in a relationship, you know the answer is, “As many times as I damned well please” 💁🏽♀️ With this last break up, I learned the hard way to stop looking to friends for comfort, especially if you don’t want advice.
I’ve been trying to be patient with everything & everyone; from my job to my friends to my boyfriend, if it isn’t one thing, it’s another. Over the years, tho, I feel like I’ve finally learned the trick: feel less. I’m not saying that will work for you 🤷🏽♀️ but I’ve definitely been known to put more work into a relationship than it deserves. I started to wonder if, maybe, my expectations for people were too high.
From the outside looking in, it can seem like you’re always in a bad mood and like no matter if you were given the sun, moon and the stars, you’d still be unhappy. Unfortunately, if it seems that way, it might just be true. What people forget to think about though is the fact that you may never be satisfied by the sun, moor or stars, if what you desire is mountains and waterfalls. If you’re not happy, you have to take a step back and reevaluate — for yourself— what is is that is making you upset and take charge to change that energy.
Written by President ELLA
We all have lists of what we want in a relationship and in a partner, don’t we? Even if you haven’t consciously figured it out and written down your list just yet, we all have preferences — and we’re allowed to. I have the right to choose tall dark and handsome, or… not. But one thing I think we all want, is to be loved. We all want to be desired and I’ve learned that even though I want to feel like my man “loves me more”, I need to love him just as much.
“You have anger issues,” he likes to tell me. But.. No, I’m just not happy as I should be.
I don’t know if it’s over. As of this minute, it is, but you know how arguments go. Thing is, I don’t want to be with anyone who doesn’t want to be with me. I suppose I’m at that point where I’m letting a dog roam. He’ll soon learn that I’m off limits once he’s walked out of my door because I don’t take in strays. He’s gotten upset at me before, for being able to get so cold and cut off my love. But, after my last “relationship” I’ve learned that no relationship matters enough to lose my happiness.
Written by @PresidentElla
If there is one thing that gives me a hard time in a relationship… it’s my own mind. The worst, most testing question is “What is a relationship, really?” What role do I play? What role does he play? What are my expectations and are those expectations justified? Do I think Im greater than I actually am, or does he need to step his game up? We see ourselves as such beautiful reflections, but that vision is skewed in the eyes of others. Am I as great as I think I am?
Written by Ella
I’m not afraid of love. I’m more afraid to miss out on it. I don’t think I’m alone in that, that’s why we end up giving ourselves to people who don’t deserve us, hoping they’ll love us in return. I think the fear comes in not being able to gauge someone’s commitment to you, because a lot of us (myself included) have a tough time understanding what love looks like. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard the “every couple fights” debate and people insinuating that you have to go through the worst in order to know if it’s “real”. But sometimes, a person is simply a shitty person. But the person who loves you will always love you back. I stick by that.