EllaThought

ASK ELLA: Is this my Queen?

I met a young lady last November, exchanged numbers and from that point we talked literally every day via calls and texts. After like a month I noticed a lack of calls .. So I reciprocated the same energy. After 2 weeks of me not calling, she calls like, Wassup? Why you stop calling me? Where u go? type shit . I’m confused but I’m intrigued that’s she’s interested.We started going out on dates, afterwards. Conversation picks up; Deeper and deeper conversations/real shyt: dreams, thoughts, feelings, talking about traumas/goals. Everyday, that goes by my feelings grow for her.

I work for a museum events planning so my time is dumb limited but I’m feeling her . We weren’t spending that much together due to our schedules. Things are pretty much the same for the next few months. She goes get her booty done 😒 in June in DR. Gone for like 3 weeks, comes home with a bad infection — straight to the hospital she goes. 3 weeks in, I’m calling everyday. FaceTime. Making sure she’s good. Being very supportive, calming, reinforcing her that things will get better.

She comes home slowly getting better & I wanted to take her on a treat to dinner to have a great time, take her mind off things. We spent the day together, so we have this candid conversation about anything and everything…

She comes out and says I have bonds with 3 other guys 🤯🤯🤯 That was the first time we were intimate 8 months in 😒😒 She tells me, All these guys mean so much to me but I don’t see them a lot. I see them every now and then. But you’re always available for them? So that was a conversation that we had — how much access do they have with you? And she was like, Well, whenever I get a chance to see, I see them. It’s just confusing & the biggest thing about it is you’re sexually active with all of them. It’s like what’s going on here… Why you wait till eight months in to have this conversation with me?

Initially, we started dating — not just random hookups. It was nothing like that. We was taking steps to be a couple. A relationship. Tryina build something. That’s the path our conversations was on. It wasn’t a what’s up with you, I wanna come see you type of time. It wasn’t even like that. So now, my feelings is all involved. Now, you don’t want nothing, right now. You don’t want nothing “serious” right now. But we built. We were building something serious. But you don’t want nothing serious?

All this happened last month. We kinda pressed the brakes on a lot of stuff. I stopped being available, too. She’s like, I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want you to go anywhere. I miss our friendship. She just texted me this the other day. I’m just really like… pissed off about it, actually. I can’t. You just want to be friends at this point. I can’t be friends if I had these feelings for you.

She’s like, the reason I don’t wanna relationship is not because of them, it’s because I’m not ready to be committed or be in a relationship. I been single for three years and I like my life and how it is. I just don’t want to jump into that and I end up hurting you. I’m shaking my head at her this whole time like… yo. You took money from me. You took gifts from me. You took that knowing that you had no purpose of being with me.

I really like this girl but as of lately, I don’t answer her calls. She FaceTimed last week and I didn’t pick up. She text me, Now, you don’t take my FaceTime. I’m just ready to move on. It’s not fair. You want me to fill these voids of what these other guys don’t give you. I’m not gonna be on pause for you to figure out what you wanna do with your life. Meanwhile, having a great time. Nah. I’m not gonna be filling no voids from anyone. I put myself first. But… my feelings… they haven’t died. Maybe, I just stay away from her.

This what I wanted to ask you — your point of view & what kind of direction I should go in? Is it worth staying or worth giving her a chance?

Thank you for listening,

Confused King

Know your worth, King

My first recommendation is to decide at which point you want to actually start listening to yourself.

If no one will tell you, let me be the first to explain the issue: Her price went up. It ain’t hard to tell by the way you were “intrigued” (after each time she kept falling off the radar) that Miss Thang was already something to look at before she got her surgery. When women make serious cosmetic changes to themselves, it’s practically an investment and she intends to see return on it. I understand, sis 🤷🏽‍♀️ Her desire to hold out for the highest bidder is not a reflection of you, rather her caring for herself. Sometimes, we learn to put ourselves first by experiencing someone doing it to us… We all have our own methods of dating & self-care.

Tell the truth: you knew it was shaky from the start, didn’t you? 👀 😂 Perhaps when someone plays hard to get, we feel like they “aren’t easy” or that we “earned” whatever interaction we have with them. Time, in relationships, can often be used as currency for supply and demand. EVE said it: I disappear for a day or two to test his loyal ground. I keep my dogs o a short leash, controlling the growl. When someone who claims they don’t have time for us makes time… we feel honored.

Another thing that happen is that when you unconsciously think a person is “out of your league” you let them play with you however/whenever they want because you think you don’t even deserve to be here. Speaking from the POV of someone who used to swipe right for dinner like it was my day job — Sometimes, you’re not truly interested in liking someone… Sometimes, you’re bored. Sometimes, you just want someone to call. Sometimes, you’re more concerned with them liking you than to truly care that you don’t like them the same way. When I was single, I used to play a game where I’d text all the guys I was having conversation with and I’d go with the one who responded first because I felt like he must like me most 🤷🏽‍♀️ Sometimes, it’s easier to gauge if someone really likes you… if you leave them alone and they come back when you call. Don’t get it confused — playing games in dating is common… but “common” doesn’t make it any less toxic.

It took me a while to realize that some people don’t like you for you, they like that you like them. Some people don’t want to be your friend; they want you to be their friend more than they care about being your friend. Really, it just turns into an underhanded attempt at ownership, in my POV. I once met this guy on Tinder who plays professional basketball overseas. In conversation, he would answer my questions, but rarely ask me about myself. He would be “too busy” to make a date and it was going absolutely no where. Eventually the texting stopped until a few months later when he saw a picture of me on Instagram… by that time, I had a boyfriend. When I responded and told him that, he invited me out for ice cream & that was the first time he invited me ANYWHERE. What I realized was that he just wanted my attention. Some people are satisfied by knowing someone is willing to waste time on them. Are you willing to waste your time?

It’s worth taking a moment to step back an assess how YOU were treated. Throughout the message, you told me of all the ways you were good to her… how was she good to you? I’ve heard so often from men that what they rarely get from women is conversation. I know that beautiful women can have the world handed to them, if they know how to have the right conversation. What did you get out of the relationship/friendship/situationship beside conversation? Were you REALLY being treated well? Is this REALLY worth chasing? You sound like a giver, and as a giver, you may not need to receive, but you deserve it. I feel like we lie to ourselves, forcing ourselves to make exceptions & align with what the world might applaud. Women date rich men who cheat. Men date hot girls who won’t commit to them. We might think that in order to get something “so good” we have to deal with things we don’t like… but should you?

If you went back, what would change? How would it change? Would you have to change, or would she? If you decide to go back to her, it doesn’t sound to me like her position will change, but you’d have to learn to be ok with the option she offered. I think the most foolish thing you can do is go back any expect anything different. I actually applaud her for being honest (eventually). Given the most benefit of doubt, maybe this is simply who she is and the lifestyle she prefers to live. You asked why she would 8 months to tell you? It sounds like she might not have felt obligated to tell you until she was intimate with you. I ask you, why would you go 8 months without having a conversation about intentions? You called your conversations “deep” — did you ever discuss exclusivity? Monogamy? Perhaps she’s polyamorous and doesn’t even know it. Would you be open to an open or poly relationship?

Ultimately, my recommendation is to let it go. You were upset enough to ask me about it and I don’t think you should ignore you initial feelings 🤷🏽‍♀️ It’s ok to acknowledge your sadness or disappointment. I think we often except men to be unphased by things like this but you’re human, too. 🖤 Take some time to confirm what it is you actually want in a partner and in a relationship so that you can express that confidently and clearly in you continue dating in the future. This world changes by the day and people are into a lot of different things. If you feel you are looking to date seriously, exclusively, monogamously… I think you should have conversations about that sooner rather than later. Yes, you may scare some people away — but I think you SHOULD try to scare off those people who aren’t expecting the same things of the relationship as you are.

If you’re waiting for “the one” just know it’ll be lonely (& perhaps painful) until you cross paths. In order to find “the one” everything else has to fail. Don’t get discouraged by this experience. If you’re just dating and seeing where life takes you… just keep living and learning. If you are serious about pursuing a an exclusive relationship finding someone to build with someone, sit down and make a list of what a person needs to bring to the table; not just physical or material but emotionally. How do you want that person to make you feel? About yourself? About the world? About the future?Some of the things on my list are: supportive of my art, patient with my attitude, encouraging of my journeys. I know we define a “good man” as someone who will do anything for his woman, but you can’t care for anyone if you don’t care about yourself first. You mentioned building and I believe building requires partnership. Reciprocity is key. You deserve to be loved the way you give love. Take some time to reflect and grow: when you meet the right person, it’ll be a benefit for both of you if you have an understanding what you need and learn how to ask for it up front. Closed mouths don’t get fed. Know your worth, King.

Truthfully,

Ella

Assata Shakur: The Autobiography

If there is one book that has absolutely had an immediate affect on my life, it’s Assata’s autobiography. The BLM protests of the 2020 left me feeling lost, yet trying to understand my role in the fight. Reading Assata’s story absolutely fueled & enlighten me.

Too often, it is made to seem like the struggles of people of color happened “so long ago”. More saddening is how the struggles of Black leaders and revolutionaries are silenced or denied. This first-person detailing of the wrongs done to an innocent woman should be more widely known and discussed.

This story gives us an account of growing up Black in America from the 50s-70s. Then, we get detailed descriptions of the police brutality and systemic racism in America. After reading this book and how Assata was tortured and abused by the American government, my stomach turns at the still active, 2 million dollar award for her arrest.

This book changed the way I look at a lot of things — noting that police use warrants & bail to justify kidnapping people & holding them for ransom. It highlighted the issue with selfish Liberals who just want to say the right thing unless it affects what they’ll have in their lives. It helped me understand what the Black Panther Party actually did & how they actually fell.

I think this book needs to be read by everyone, everywhere. In order to move forward, we need to be honest about what has been done to Black people in America (& oppressed people worldwide). We can never overcome something we deny.

I hope you find the time, courage & strength to pick up this book.

#JusticeForAssata

Snorkeling in Barbados 🇧🇧

Barbados is a peaceful island with calm blue waters that you absolutely have to dive into. I had the pleasure of snorkeling with the Barbados Blue team and had a pretty amazing time.

The snorkeling adventure is pretty affordable – if you only want to snorkel, with no drinks included, the trip costs $40. It’s $80 if you also want some rum punch 🍹 If you’re not a swimmer, you can still join the boat ride for a cool $20. I typically check Viator & see if they have any deals.

We were late for our tour (which I was very upset about & would not recommend 🥺) but the guys were nice enough to bring us to the boat on a jet ski. Unfortunately, we missed seeing the seas turtles 🐢 but the underground shipwrecks were absolutely beautiful.

Homemade No Bake Granola Bars 🍌🥜

Just because I’m trying to eat healthy doesn’t mean I don’t want to snack all the time 🥺 These granola bars have been life savers 😩

There are tons of #nobake recipes online but I’ve learned to make adjustments to my taste. My favorite recipe is by Love & Lemons, because the proportions were just right. Below is their recipe, with some of the adjustments I like to make.

Ingredients & Tips:

1 cup very smooth creamy natural peanut butter or cashew butter

I like to use crunchy Peanut butter. It added an extra peanut to the granola bar that was really satisfying 🤤

2/3 cup honey

The more honey you use, the more “chewy” your granola bars will be. This is where I add in banana 🍌 because the banana will also add to the moisture & make the bar more chewy. If the mixture is too soft or chewy you can (1) add more quick oats and/or (2) put the bars into the fridge until they harden.

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Sometimes, I forget the vanilla. It’s definitely best with it, but don’t trip if you forget the vanilla 😉 For extra flavor, I really like to add CINNAMON.

Heaping 1/2 teaspoon sea salt

I also often forget to add salt 🤷🏽‍♀️ Doesn’t feel like a big deal to me, but to each their own. I think this adds balance to the taste but, again, don’t trip.

2½ cups whole rolled oats

I use the cheapest quick oats out there 😂 I realized how expensive granola is vs how affordable quick oats are. This is a huge money’s saver for me.

After I add my quick oats, I add protein powder, if you want to get some extra protein in!

1/3 cup mini chocolate chips

Add chocolate chips to your taste. You can also opt to omit them. This is where people add raisins, craisins or whatever you’re feeling experimental about.

3 tablespoons pepitas or crushed peanuts or cashews

I’ve always ignored this step 😂 I use crunchy peanut butter so that I don’t have to add extra peanuts at the end.

Directions:

1) You’re supposed to MIX THE SOFT INGREDIENTS FIRST – Peanut butter, honey, vanilla

2) ADD THE QUICK OATS. If it’s too sticky, add more oats. If it’s too hard to mix, add more honey, peanut butter or banana — whichever taste you like best.

3) Add EXTRAS LAST – chocolate chips, peanuts, etc.

4) SPREAD on a baking sheet, over parchment or wax paper. You can put these in the fridge to store! I like to wrap them in that same parchment/wax paper and then put them in sandwich bags.

Hope you enjoy your granola bars! Drop a comment below and let me know how they came out, or if you have any tips or tricks I can try!

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My Garra Fish Pedicure by @GarrasLasVegas

Dedicated my last day in Vegas to the spa and started with trying out a pedi at @GarraLasVegas This spot was a lot more fun & low-key than I expected & the fish were as good at their job as they are said to be. The customer service was worth mentioning; The girls who work the spa inject their fun & youthfulness into the business as they prep and inform you about everything you need & want to know. Not only are they kind, but incredibly informed about their job.

The spa is located inside a mall, so their music is blasting and there’s always a few people walking by the windows, so you can people watch, if you’re into that 🤷🏽‍♀️. It’s a true mall, so parking is plentiful and the spa itself is actually really easy to find. The blue water colors mixed with fluorescent lighting make it feel more like a relaxing party than a true spa, but it really helps combat the giggles you’re bound to have if it’s your first time. It doesn’t hurt at all, but it can be incredibly ticklish. It took me a good 10 minutes to stop laughing and uncurl my toes 😂

Garra are tiny fish which typically clean algae off of rocks & big fish. These fish are used to apply the same cleaning process to human skin. As soon as you put your feet in the water, the tiny fish swarm and attach themselves to your skin. There is a bit of controversy on the cleanliness of the procedure, as well as the treatment of the fish. After a bit of reading, I found there is an argument that spa utensils should be discarded & the fish being reused is unhealthy, but there’s no evidence of that. At Garra Las Vegas, your feet and legs are wiped down before you are exposed to the fish. Other critics claim that the fish are starved and then fed human flesh. Still, the young lady at the spa told us that the fish aren’t actually eating the skin, rather chewing it off if you. I’m not sure how true that is, but I did believe her when she said the fish are fed nightly & live for about 5 years. What I can attest to is that the fish were not “working” the entire time; it looked like there was a seating system in place to give the fish breaks between clients. The place was not packed, so it was perfect for social distancing. I got a reservation, but I think you can also just walk up.

My feet were, in fact, super smooth after the treatment. We were told that the fish leaves a chemical similar to aloe on your feet, helping to moisturize. Having this foot treatment right before a full body massage was perfect. I didn’t disturb my massage wondering if the masseuse could feel my corns 😂 The fish were able to get all in between my toes by the end of the session & it was all worth it.

I found this deal on Groupon so it was really affordable. If you’ve never used Groupon, feel free to use my code.

If you’ve tried a garra pedi before, plan on visiting Garra Las Vegas or have any other questions, please leave a note in the comments or slide in my DMs on Insta!

Happy Travels!

Brunch at @JacobsPickles

It had been way too long since I got together with my girlfriends, so we decided on brunch at Jacob’s Pickles in order to fill up on a hearty meal and a side of girl talk.

Jacob’s had tons of outdoor seating so we were about to fit about 9 of us at the table. While the girls waited for me to arrive (fashionably late, and they didn’t actually wait) they ordered the Biscuits & Fixins ($9) for the table. While the Maple Butter 🍁 certainly earned 1st prize, the strawberry, orange and pumpkin jams were also quite tasty. Someone also ordered the Homemade Slow Cooked Meatballs ($14) and they were so good I saved the last meatball from being taken away by the server. The meatballs could actually serve as a small plate because they’re so hearty & come with biscuits. The most surprisingly tasty starter was the order of Grit Crusted Fried Green Tomatoes ($9) — deep fried and well seasoned, you can’t even tell these are tomatoes!

Sitting atop a burly biscuit was fried chicken breast, coleslaw, fried green tomatoes, coleslaw and bacon. I ordered the Southern BLT ($18) and was warned it’d be the biggest meal. Not only did I want to taste all the fixings (and the fried chicken) but I wanted to bring some back home to bae since he didn’t tag along. If you’re looking to be full full, or have leftovers later, Jacob’s will give you what you need. When our orders got to the table, we all sat back and tried to calculate the best angle to take the first bite from. I decided to take a fork & knife to mine 😂

The most important part of brunch is always the drinks & Jacob’s did not disappoint. When I arrived, I joined in for a round of Hot Toddies ($14) which we’re as strong and as warm as I needed them to be 😉🍺

If you happen to take a ride uptown, drop into Jacob’s and you won’t be disappointed. If you’ve visited before (or end up going) tag me or comment here & let me know how it was!

Enjoy 🍴🖤

Representation Matters: Kamala Harris elected VP of the USA

In the News: The United State of America elected Kamala Harris as its first Woman Vice President. To make things even sweeter, she’s also the first African-American and Asian-American in the role. Upon the announcement of the projected winner, the internet erupted in celebration and was littered with posts expressing how much representation matters and the encouragement this can give to little girls of color, around the world.

In my opinion: It’s so sad that Black women are still looking for role models. Don’t get me wrong, I think Kamala is fantastic. But in a moment of celebration it’s also quite telling to see how many Black little girls felt like “no one” looked like them before. I wonder if the Asian-American girls feel the same…

For years, I was the only dark-skinned woman in my family. I met my great grandmother when I was 13 and she was the only person I ever looked at and saw myself. Even though I know I look like my mother, I’ve struggled my entire life as people are blinded by skin color and comment on how much my sister looks like her, but not me. A few years ago, I finally met my Family in Cuba and, for the first time, felt like people definitely looked like me. Seeing pictures of my cousin Jane & I still blows my mind.

I’ve written about Kamala before, and I was actually rooting for her while she campaigned for President, but (as they say) this country still isn’t ready to see a woman in the seat of President. As I filled out my ballot, I can tell you with confidence that the only person I voted for, for sure, was Kamala. I also voted for all the other names that sounded like women of color. If we’re honest with ourselves, we can admit our own biases and I know mine.

I hope this “representation” isn’t just for little girls, but for grown women as well. I hope that no matter your age, you know that you can be whatever you want to be, as long as you work for it. It saddens me that most people need to see someone do a thing before they believe it’s possible. Kamala Harris did not inspire me to show my [future] daughter a picture of a stranger to encourage her. I am encouraged to be who my daughter can look up to. In general, Black women and other women of color are fetishized but never as beautiful as the blonde haired blue-eyed woman. When will those feelings be erased? When will we be able to move past what people might think about us and be who we desire to be?

There are names we seem to forget. I still think back to Michelle Obama. I know people think Beyonce is a phenom, but she’s a black woman. Maya Angelou. Toni Morrison. Dorothy Dandridge. Assata Shakur. Shirley Chisholm. Aretha Franklin. Billie Holiday. Sojourner Truth. Phillis Wheatley. Harriet Tubman. I encourage us to look back further and recognize the other women of color who have already moved mountains on our behalf. Kamala Harris might hold the highest office (so far) but she is not the beginning of the list. Representation matters in history as well. This has encouraged me to make sure that when I teach my future daughters about themselves, I don’t make the timeline seem as if it just started, rather that we’ve been working hard to get here, all along.

Dear Black Women, we’ve been doing this. Clap for us.

Homemade Corn Salsa

I fell in love with Trader Joe’s corn salsa but since there isn’t one near me, I had to figure out how to make it at home. I followed this copycat recipe from The Cafe Sucrefarine and I absolutely love how it turned out.

You don’t need too many ingredients for this recipe, but there were a few I had to go out and find like Cumin and Mustard Seed. There were also things I couldn’t find, like Coriander. My favorite thing is that you can eat it immediately while it’s warm, or put it in a jar and save for later. The recipe below fills a standard size mason jar. Below is the recipe and how I made it come together anyway 😉

Ingredients

I can of Whole Kernel Corn — I like to rinse my canned veggies before using them. I don’t know what they’ve been sitting in 👀
¼ cup finely diced sweet yellow onion – I HATE onions 🤢, so I skip this and add a bit of Onion Powder instead.
¼ cup finely diced red bell pepper – I typically keep some cut peppers frozen in a sandwich bag. The frozen peppers worked just fine. If you don’t have red, use what you have!
1-2 teaspoons finely chopped jalapeno pepper start with 1 and add more, if you want more heat — I didn’t have jalepeno, but I did have serrano chilis 🌶. Apparently Serrano are even hotter than Jalepeno. Use what you have!
3 tablespoons distilled white vinegar
3 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon mustard seeds – I couldn’t find whole mustard seeds so I used ground mustard seed and it turned out just fine 🤷🏽‍♀️
1 teaspoon ground coriander – Coriander is the SEED from the Cilantro plant. I couldn’t find this either so I used the dried cilantro seasoning I had on my shelf. I think fresh cilantro would have been too strong of a flavor.
½ teaspoon cumin powder
½ teaspoon crushed red pepper
½ teaspoon onion powder
½ teaspoon salt

Instructions

Drain and rinse corn & transfer to a medium size bowl.
Diced bell pepper & jalapeño (or serrano chilis) as finely as you need to. I like to use my mandolin and cut these super fine! If you don’t have a mandolin slicer, you can also use a cheese grater 😉 Once diced, combine with corn in medium bowl.
Combine vinegar, sugar, mustard seeds (or powder), coriander (or dried cilantro), cumin, crushed red pepper, onion powder and salt in a medium size, microwave safe bowl. Stir well to combine. Microwave on high power for 1 minute.
Remove vinegar mixture from microwave and add to bowl with corn mixture. Stir well.
Enjoy!

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Plaza Mella – Havana, Cuba

Cuba’s history is rich with stories of revolutionaries. Sitting atop a hill, is Havana’s most famous university, La Universidad de Habana, which has been the stomping ground of come of Cuba’s most legendary revolutionaries. Two of those revolutionaries are Julio Antonio Mella and Fidel Castro.

Since we all pretty much know Fidel, I figure this is a great time to introduce a new person. In 1925, Mella was expelled from the University after he and fellow students forcibly took over the university and made demands including modernizing text books and free education for all. After being accused of a bomb plot, Mella was expelled from the University for this “radical”, political involvement. Once freed from jail, Mella fled to Mexico, where he was assassinated under suspicious circumstances just a few years later, in 1929, at just 26 years old.

Julio Antonio Mella was one of the founder’s of Cuba’s 1925 Communist Party, originally established in opposition to the dictator, Gerardo Machado, the party sought to free Cubans of the dictators rule, although the party then turned to support him and other dictators to follow under the “socialist” title. Originally, the party was also against Fidel Castro — and Castro is another former student of La Universidad de Habana.

Not far from the university, there is a monument that displays the following quote from Mella:

Luchar por la revolucion en la America, no es un utopia de locos o fanaticos. Es luchar por el proximo paso de avance en la historia.

Translated, this reads, “Fighting for revolution in the Americas is not to fight for a Utopia of crazies or fanatics. It is to fight for the next step in the advancement of history.” To me, this means that revolutions are a constant reality in humanity. As we fight for progress, we cannot assume perfection is even possible. Sometimes, we are simply fighting so that the next generation can join in the fight when they are ready.

It was almost impossible for me to leave Cuba without being inspired as a human being in the fight for humanity. Visiting this site with my mother made me ever so grateful for all the hard work and sacrifices she endured to I thought it was important to share this message because I doubt it will ever “get old”. We/people will always have something to fight for or against. We are such complex human being and it might take us longer than we like for the world we imagine to become reality — if we ever even see that for ourselves. I applaud all those combating daily evils and encourage you to keep up the fight until the day the baton needs to be handed off.

Viva la revolucion.

The First 2020 Presidential Debate

In The News: On Tuesday, September 29, 2020, President Donald Trump and former Vice President Joe Biden engaged in the customary debates for the 2020 Presidential election. The topics included the following: Economy, Race and Law Enforcement, Corona Virus, Healthcare, Climate Change and plenty more.

In My Opinion: I’m shocked and appalled every time I hear Trump’s speak. He reminds me of every entitled White man I’ve ever met. While the world is fairly aware of the stereotypes assigned to people of color, we rarely address “What White Men Be Like”. We’ve finally encountered the age of identifying “Karen’s” but what about the “Trumps”?

Trump, like many entitled White men, believes that everything he says is important and everyone should listen. Watching this debate was agonizing; Trump continuously interrupted Biden and refused to let the moderator moderate. He would interject inflammatory and vicious commentary instead of addressing a topic head on. He attacked Biden’s intelligence and family. As I watched, I could only think one thing: This man is a bully. It genuinely made me sick to my stomach. Trump’s tactic of attack gave me a headache — instead of staying on topic, he’d veer over to something that had nothing to do (I .e. Biden’s son’s history with drug abuse), leading the conversation astray and wasting everyone’s time.

Watching this debate made my heart ache for the American people. Have you never seen a bullshitter in real life? Trump was that guy in class who didn’t know the answer to the question asked, but somewhere he learned to just keep talking and confuse people until they submit. Biden seemed to have been trying his best to participate in the debate (like an adult) but there was no controlling his opponent. I’m not sure what else Biden could have said aside from “will you shut up?” Trump is the guy you never want to have an argument with. He is the absolute definition of petty and the fact that people side with him is frankly frightening.

I don’t know if I believe Joe. Once again, the Presidential Debate seems to be left up to the “lesser of two evils”. I don’t know if Biden can get across everything he has planned, but I appreciate his positivity. In a time when our country has been consumed by hatred, his idea of trying to find common ground between groups like Civil Rights Leaders and Police Enforcement is commendable — even if it sounds impossible.

These debates take place so that you can try to understand each candidates points of view. Biden seems to support what matters to me: women’s rights, race relations and climate change. His ideas seems a bit lofty, but I enjoy an idealist, particularly as President — I want to vote for someone who has more faith in the system than I do. Trump was most passionate about the cutting the costs of healthcare. I don’t quite recall anything else he stood for other than berating Biden.

In comparison to Trump, Biden did appear a bit “weaker” in the sense of a battle. But isn’t that what we feel about every nice kid who is getting bullied in the playground? You want them to fight back, even if you believe fighting is wrong. Still, I found him to be more composed and prepared as he tried to stick to the talking points it seemed were on his podium.

To me, Trump feels callous. I can’t help but feel like he’s lying to me. When he speaks, it’s like a boss who says they recognize your hard work, but doesn’t have any intention of promoting you. When he was asked to address White Supremacists, he told them to “stand back and stand by”. He didn’t try to change their minds about how they feel. He didn’t ask them to be respectful and love their fellow man. He basically told them, “Chill out. I got your back.” In addition, I felt more and more disgust every time he blamed China for the Corona Virus and called it the “China Plague”. Is it that no one has told him that these are racist and inappropriate comments or does he just not care? He mentioned that he doesn’t support diversity training efforts because he doesn’t like that people are making America out to be a “bad” and “racist” place… has no one told him that it is?

I’m actually looking forward to watching the Vice Presidential Debate (10/07/20) and head Kamala’s platform. The only thing we can do it tune in. If you’re planning on voting, I think educating yourself about the candidates is THE most important part of the process. I wish everyone could and would make the effort to research who they are voting for and make sure they are making that decision based on how they truly feel.

Remember… Vote for yourself.