Author Archives: presidentella

If I get you these, will you model them for me?”

       “You gonna get them?”

        “Are you gonna model them?”

        “Then buy them.”

        “You think I’m bullshittin.”

         “The register’s right there.”

         “Alright. You think I’m playing.”

 

        Later that night, as we were texting, I sent him a picture with the subject “Model Shots” with the message, “You never said it had to be in person 🙂 “

         “Can I get one with you standing up?” He wrote back.

         That’s when I went to sleep.

     I’m a fan of the BBM pose. I know I’m the not the only girl who takes pictures of herself. More than you should. For every one picture a girl puts up, she’s actually taken dozens. Once you get the hang of it,  it’s a little hard to stop. You know where should stand. How you should stand. Where to put that hand. The right tilt for your face. The angle of the camera. The lighting. It’s all so theatrical. But it’s all so necessary. 

Written by PresidentELLA       

 “Let’s just see where this goes,” he said. & I agreed. Stupidly. I thought I was okay with it because I didn’t know what I wanted. And instead of having nothing at all, I could hold onto a little piece of something and… see where it took me.  At least I was going somewhere, I thought. 

Written by PresidentELLA

I thought I would die. 

     I was sure it was the end of my existence as I knew it. He tore my heart right out from my chest and held it out for me to see. He wanted to me to see that he didn’t love me and I was a fool. That I had wasted my time and that I had lost so much of myself that I no longer knew who I was without him. He was air to me. I needed him. Every minute of every waking day because I had never felt so loved. I didn’t know that someone could love me so tenderly or that I could immerse myself with such determination to make things right. To make him happy…  until I couldn’t anymore.