Written by PreisdentELLA
I looked up flights back to LA before I brushed my teeth this morning. Right now, I’m motivated to go to work because I need to afford more vacations. It’s my first day back and I would love to be anywhere but at my desk. It’s crazy how a view from the 24th floor, looking out at the Statue of Liberty can be depressing but it totally is after Coachella weekend. Any box feels like a box when you realize the whole world is out there.
Nothing has kept me sane in the past year like traveling. At this age (if you don’t know how old I am, you won’t know), life has started to feel a bit… stalled, as if I need a next step and I don’t know what it is. Complacency is not my comfort zone. I don’t have any children & sometimes that makes me feel unaccomplished or just… missing something… but then I remember I also don’t own a home to put the kid in or a husband to have one with so I’m ok with waiting on the kid. It’s easy to look up at the things people have and only see the good things while ignoring the difficulties, so I try not to.
Some people consider it selfish to avoid having children so that you can “live your life”… but I find it more selfish for me to have a child if I’m not ready. We all know “ready” means different things to different folks and some say you’ll “never be ready” for something like parenthood, but I’d like to prepare as much as possible. I’ve had the benefit of watching people around me have children so that I can observe what I think are joyous and difficult parts of parenting. One of the most difficult things (it seems) to do as a parent is get up and go. I watch my boyfriend do it & I understand the sacrifices he doesn’t even notice he makes. I still want to go to brunch & dance on Saturdays but that doesn’t always work out when you have children to tend to.
I have a dog, but nothing and no one else depending on me. As long as I book a dog walker, I can go across the country for as long as I’d like and not really miss much. My boyfriend is amazing about calling and checking in with his son, but that’s a true task. I’m not ready to change diapers or call somebody before bedtime on vacation. Learning what I am an am not ready for has been a true source of growth. Acknowledging our day to day difference has been important in my relationship & we’re still learning each other each day. Compromise and communication are the two things you always hear about & it true that you need them everywhere from intimate or business relationships to when you’re planning vacations with friends.
I had bought my ex & I tickets to Cuba before he put his hand on me. After it all came crashing down, I took my mom instead. I was mostly stressed about going alone & making my money back for the wasted ticket but my mom is real mom so she’s always the solution. Getting away to my father’s homeland and learning another part of who I was was an amazing experience and I literally just felt blessed to be alive. I was not the best kid growing up… so my relationship with my mom was certainly tested & solidified on that vacation. I’ve always known I’ve had fucked up conceptions of the role a man plays in my life so being able to meet the only people who knew my father was enlightening. (That’s for another post tho ) Being with my family on my land filled me with power I can’t compare to anything else I’ve ever felt. Actions of love and acceptance can change your world. Changing your physical location & your surroundings can be an incredible catalyst for growth.
When I was in college, I didn’t travel abroad. Part of me felt as though I didn’t want to miss out on great college years & the other simply had faith that I would be able to see the would on my own someday — and that day I would be able to sit by the pool & never go to class again ️ Traveling has made me feel more accomplished. It’s given me things to look forward to & plan towards. I’ve also taken it as a step for investment; Bae & I bought a timeshare so that we have vacation point for the rest of our lives, whether we use them or not.
Planning vacations has been a saving grace in our relationship, I admit. I guess one would feel more inclined to stay in a relationship after you’ve purchased a timeshare together lol. Really tho, I truly did try to avoid arguments & patch up disagreements do that we could have a good vacation. It’s nice having something to count down to with your significant other outside days when you expect gifts exchanged. It gives us something to plan together & challenges us in different environments to see if we really move well together. From who packs what to how te plans are made, I think vacations are a great relationship building block… or test.
The timeshare idea was also because if (he decides to put a ring on it and) we can plan family vacations, which I never truly experienced growing up, for a variety of reasons. I want to invest in something that I can leave to my children; something that will really show some return and outlast me. That’s why I love to travel: I love to see the world the people before me have created & to continue to see what they do with it.
There’s freedom in feeling like I own the world and it being at my disposal. There’s also a particular sense of heaven when you don’t HAVE to do anything & it’s an actual, factual vacation. Some use vacation as a time to break free, but you can also use it to celebrate your accomplishments. We try to “vacation” at least once a quarter (every 3 months) even if it’s somewhere close by & even if it’s only for a weekend in Vegas or a day in Atlantic City.
If you work hard, you deserve time to relax — it took me some time to understand that, so… just sharing my thoughts… just what I’m feeling at the time…