Where do you find passion?

“He’s a good look,” she explained. “You’d look so cute together and he could teach you so many things…” I guess I know I’m making the right moves in life when my potential other only fits the cut when he can teach me things. The even better part about the conversation was having it with someone who was taking me into consideration. “Inconsiderate” is what I started calling my ex far too often as I’ve begun to realize that the most beautiful blessings life gives you aren’t those which you are promised, but those which you have earned. So everything I do now is more natural than I’ve ever done it before… even writing this. Writing this is beneficial to me, even it nothing comes directly out of it. Sometimes, what you’re looking for in life is just a feeling: Passion. Sometimes you want to let go and not have to think about your next step — but that’s one of the most frightening notions in the world, to me. Still… the only way for love it exist if for us to believe in it. So when I have the chance to love, I do it with all my might. What is life without love? Love without passion.

I am in love. First and foremost with life. The fact that I breathe amazes me every time I think about it. That’s not because I’m somehow a spiritual person, but because the person I have to thank for building me is no longer here; my big brother. I grew up in a very strong minded household (I’m an Aries and my bother and sister are Leos) so anything I’ve ever felt, I’ve had to feel forreal. Being that I’m the youngest, anything I said also had to be 1000% factual. I don’t know how to do anything but be honest, truthful and passionate. That’s where my art comes in. Writing has always been how I expressed myself — whether I realized it or not. It wasn’t until someone played my music for strangers and I was told that “if she actually tried…” I could be great that I realized that sometimes the one thing that makes all the difference is… trying.

I initially started “modeling” because it was an easy way to get in front of a camera. The entertainment industry is male dominated and super shallow (you can argue in the comments below if you’d like) and once you realize that, it’s nothing but swimming with sharks. I knew that if I wanted people to listed to what I had to say, I had to get in the room first. The modeling was not only amazing for networking but for helping myself get comfortable in front of a camera. I continue to do the “modeling” today, but I don’t love it. I enjoy it. I don’t think I’ve found the right thing to participate in yet, though. I’m looking forward to making my own music videos so working on videography projects helps me understand working with photographers as well as the preparation and finances of things like makeup, wardrobe and location. I think I’ll always have to take pictures, so I like to continue to do so so that I never get rusty. I don’t know how long it takes those women to perfect that red carpet pose, but I figure I should start working on it asap (judge me).

I try to enjoy myself. Sometimes, I go on the modeling/acting calls and run into people who are amazing at it… and I fall into place. I still try my hardest, but passion always shines. The girl who wants to be an actress is going to nail her line before I do. Why? Love. Passion. If you don’t have that, you’re a notch below the competition. That’s why, when it comes to music, my mind and heart are at ease. I feel my passion every time I press play. I only feel guilty for 3 seconds when I realize that whoever gets in my car has to listen to music by me. I love what I do… I find my passion by accident. I sometimes pause to be grateful for life and find myself smiling; those are the moments I know I’m doing something right. My job here is to make myself happy first. I need to find out what truly makes my heart beat and run after that…

I’m single and I don’t know if I want to be. What I’ve realized is how blessed I am with the offers God has put on the table. I love life so much that I don’t know how to find the space for anyone who doesn’t also give me a vibration I can’t ignore. I’m not chasing anything that doesn’t make the sky light up.

Just my thoughts… just what I’m feeling at the time…

-Ella