by ELLA
Ideally, I would like to start my days by moving when I want to move. Unfortunately for my boss, I do that now. I still do everything I need to so – sometimes more – but I hate to be so easily accessible to people. The more you do to prove your worth, without expecting anything in return, the more they get used to it. They think they’ve earned it. I want to find a way to make each of my actions profitable. Sounds far-fetched? Entitled, maybe? Zuckerberg became a billionaire at age 23. I just feel like thinking any other way will cost me and… I have bills, I know you know. I suppose I’ll always have bills and hopefully more bills (because I need a bigger place) but I want to make enough to make my bills go away then combat my greed and help the needy.
Modeling is pretty fabulous, no doubt about it. But I mostly do it for the gram *shrugs* Love it or leave it. Hopefully I look forever young, but I know I’ve got to get these pictures in while I’m good for them. I’m realistic. I’m more of an artist than I am a model, I just like the practice of taking pictures. If I’m not performing my music, I like to be inspired in other ways. & I like the idea of being someone’s muse. As much as I love a selfie stick, I love having pictures taken of me. The right photographer can give you magic. In addition to the practice of being in front of a camera, I appreciate group shoots for helping me understand how to work with people. There’s a lot of energy in a photo and people are hard to manage. I consider each shoot my real life “America’s Next Top Model” episode, good or bad. I have these fantasies in my head about just.. being famous. Rich, too. That’s why I do everything I do *shrugs*. This realm of “models” are just another circle of people I can move around in. Oh, and I’m 5’2, so I do this fun stuff, but I’m while I can slay a runway, I am not the standard for runway, yet 😉
Some people want to stop working completely, I just want to work for myself. And when I work for myself, I don’t want it to be under piles of paperwork and baby sitting, I want to create something is so so fuckin dope it sells itself. I’ve pulled back from this magazine a bit because I felt like people didn’t understand me. When I say I have an online magazine [soon to be print], people think that’s all I do. When I say I rap, they think that’s all I do. And when I say I work for Saks, people think I ask you to smell fragrances when you walk in the front door. My dream is to wake up every day and so exactly what I desire. I don’t want to have to be anywhere at any time for any reason. I want to be able to decide, in the moment, what’s next: I want control of my life.
I used to really want to be President, but I realized you have to care about people who don’t care about themselves… If I were your President, I’d first make sure we all understand that there are some things we each cannot do. My weakness is whatever you think it is, and that’s whatever I think it is. As Commander-in-cheif, my job would be to withstand any attack. There’s a thin line between preparedness and paranoia . As a human, my desire is to create. I try things to see what I’m good at. I put myself in positions just to see how I’ll handle it. I think I’m good at life. I try to live it. Writing? I does this. I love this. I encourage everyone to pay attention to what make you smile. Whatever you’re naturally inclined to do is what you need to do. Allow yourself to be great. Find your space & own it. Then expand. Even and especially when they aren’t looking. They’ll notice.
I still work for someone else, so I suppose I’m not as “boss” as I am. They put a freeze on our coordinator position, so I’m really no one’s boss. But I enjoy being needed. More than that, I enjoy being rewarded. It’s so hard to find memes to tell you how broke entrepreneurs are. We all know that money doesn’t buy happiness… but I’d rather not be broke. I’d rather earn my worth from whomever sees it, so long as I maintain my self respect.
My dream office has a day bed in it. Maybe I’ll be humble and keep the couch I have now. My office will be be my second home. I want to overlook the city. Any city. Your city, but especially my city. I want my JWWWD writers to have a central location. Their offices can be whatever they want. People need personal space. And you know how it goes, we’d do just what we wanna do. I want to write and live and that’s how I’d love my life. I think we all need better examples of how to love your life. No matter what you do, you’ve got to work. Some people work for someone else, some people work for themselves. But all successful people work at whatever it is they do. Happiness is relative. My dream job is to live my life. I’m not in a rush. I’m actually trying to slow this down. I’m trying to take advantage of my time… that’s why I “model”. It’s something productive to do when I’m bored. When I feel like I need “attention”. Modeling has helped me greatly with my confidence. Just understanding my body and taking control of my face & my space. I’m gonna be ready for the paparazzi 😉
I know some people think I work too hard. I work too much. I should just… hang. But I’m not easily satisfied. Accomplishing goals only makes me want to set more goals. I want to make my money other ways. Like Advertising… I mean, that’s what I went to school for. Mama ain’t raise no fool… & these are just my thoughts.
Photos at the top by Gaze Magazine
Photos below by Ken Divine
EllaThought 