Written by ELLA
I should start off by reminding you that I’m not perfect. I have some really bad days and but a bunch of really beautiful ones. I didn’t expect to get into a relationship as soon as I did. If you’ve read my last post, you’ll recall I kicked a man out my house just a few months ago, when I found out about the years of lies. I’m terrified to talk about a new relationship but I refuse to deny myself of the love I know I deserve. Who am I to impose time limits on my heart? Damien makes me smile everyday, why should I fight it?
“Slow down” they told him. “It’s too soon,” was the opinion, but I’m glad he followed his heart and invested in me. I met Damien‘s family the first week we started dating & I’m still meeting his friends. I can’t say I wasn’t hesitant – just as much as he didn’t want to bring just anybody home, I didn’t want to go home with just anybody… But I’ve really enjoyed them all. How can you know what feels right if you don’t allow yourself to experience it? I’m the first to cut somebody off (ask about me) but I’ve also been one to deal with bullshit because I’m supposed to “forgive”. What I learned in the last year is that both forgiveness & retaliation are God’s jobs, not mine.
Some things happen perfectly & you need to allow them to, or else you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering “what if.” My Tia Victoria is a singer and she always has been — in private. The last time I saw her, she told me to just try; try to do whatever it is that makes you happy because it’s better to know that you tried & failed than to feel like you never tried and missed out.
I’ve been trying to chase this music shit with patience and on the humble, so I didn’t expect to get onto DaMatrix Studio‘s Sentinels project as swiftly as I did. I had bought a 2-hour studio session on Groupon & when J Rim produced my music, he referred me to Damien for the project (back when I knew him as DWI). J Rim sent me some fire beats so I couldn’t help myself or deny my pen. I recorded a few verses & only decided to come back because Damien told me he didn’t love one of my tracks — I value honesty more than anything in the world. The next time I dropped by the studio, I sat in for the MANTALITY radio show (Saturdays from 7 -8pm) & let the fellas pick my brain — & Damien saw the true beauty of who I am. That’s when we really met.
When it comes to love and life (and my every instagram post), I take as much time as possible to sift through every option and every possibility. I try to anticipate the next move while planning counter attacks for every obstacle. What if I got on the project and every other artist sucked? What if I involved myself with Damien and it turned into a fling that I would regret later? But what if it turns out to be everything I’ve prayed for?
“I feel like everything fucks up anyway,” I admitted to him after unpacking all of my emotional baggage. He and I have already faced the lonely female drama in the short time we’ve been involved (residual D, he calls it. Lol) but it really helped us understand how the other reacts in tough situations. “I’m not going anywhere,” he fought back as men usually do. Still, we’ve talked about the importance of actions over promises. The only thing we can go off of is how we make each other feel.
So… I recommend trying your best to enjoy the world as it is before you. Be grateful for the good and take the bad as a learning experience. & remember, (whether you take it as fact or fable) in the 7 days it took God to create the earth, the only thing he didn’t create was time.