Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. – Matthew 5:19
I met him at Perfections, a Gentleman’s club– I call these particular venues “strip clubs”, but strippers are also sometimes called “dancers” *shrugs*. I’m still not sure about how to feel about meeting someone there & I suppose he was trying to figure out the same. That’s why he’d asked me why I was there in the first place.
I’d gone for a homie’s birthday (made a brilliant fool of myself trying to get him in with an expired ID, but I did get him in) and had sat myself in a corner when my new friend took a moment to be a gentlemen and offer me a drink. As he walked back to me and handed me my staple, Henny con cranberry, the guy I had spoken to briefly on the other side of the bar walked by and I couldn’t help but to look him in the eyes & laugh. Strip clubs are interesting… they make you wonder what everyone is there for. I understand now that I’m not a strip club kinda girl. I would go there for a celebration, when I have enough dollar bills to make the ladies feel what they’re doing is worth it, but on a regular night? As a regular? Not for me.
“I like to put myself into situations to see how I’ll react,” I told him.
“Wow,” he responded, the shock evident in his eyes. “I’ve never heard that before. You’re like… 8 steps ahead of me.” It seemed much of what I said surprised him. I have the tendency to tell people they haven’t met many real women because they find me so foreign. If they aren’t used to my responses, I assume they haven’t heard them before. I understand I’m an odd individual, but obviously I find myself to be so sane.
Ballers ball out. Strip clubs are all about money. The dancers are there for one reason and that reason is not for fun. All kinds of groups frequent the spot, including many females. Most often, they have a friend/favorite they come and spend their money on. Then there’s those who just enjoy the sight of women *raises hand*. I think women are beautiful. If they would dance on pedestals everywhere I went, I think that’d be fabulous, but I’d want them to keep their clothes on. Naked strippers make me uncomfortable lol (guess that’s not a strip club, then). There are those who go for the purpose of just… making it rain. Some people want to spend money. Looking good makes people feel good. You can purchase attention. There’s also a very thirsty crowd –which includes the guy I laughed at. For one of the rotations (the ladies switch from the stage to the floor, giving each an opportunity to dance & keeping the patrons’ attention), there was barely any money being thrown out. I walked over to the side of the stage my favorite girl was on, and tried to attract someone who’d do something. It only half worked –he came over and asked, “Can I get a dance?” Like I’ve been learning to do more often, I gave him my hand, palm up. He reached in his pocket and pulled out one dingy dollar bill and placed it reluctantly in my palm. As my eyebrows raised and my head tilted he asked, “So when do you go on?” sliding his hand around my waist.
“I don’t work here,” I said, crumpling the dollar and sliding away.
“So you just gonna take my dollar?” I threw it on the stage and walked away in the middle of his muttering –probably something disrespectful. & that’s when I sat in my corner and waiting for a better option.
Everything I do, I do out of support and love. If someone needs me, I’ll be there for them. If I can show my support, I’ll be there for them. Nothing really phases me because I’m so grounded in myself and the reasons I do things: I never do anything I don’t want to do. That’s the purpose of JWWWD Magazine: Just What We Wanna Do. I live by it. As I mentioned, I went to Perfections for a birthday celebration, but really, I wanted to see how I would feel in a room full of women doing more than I’m signed up for. They were beautiful… but I think all women are beautiful… Still, I think I’m the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Not because I am physically, but because I prefer me. I’m always thrown into situations with women who get hundreds, sometimes thousands, of likes on social networks but when you see that some people only have their bodies to offer, it makes you see them in a different light. I’m not saying that Perfections‘ girls aren’t intelligent or funny or whatever… I’m saying they say their bodies are the most valuable assets they have –if they didn’t think so themselves, they’d be working elsewhere. Strippers make a lot of money. So do prostitutes. So do lawyers. Perhaps some of them are paying their ways through school –who knows, but this particular occupation has to take an incredible toll on your spirit.
“I feel bad for them.”
“They don’t do that because everything’s perfect. They pick money up off of the ground for a living. In their panties. Some of them go home to children to feed. They lay their heads down to rest and remember where they just came from.” You know how you made your money… do you think they forget where theirs came from?
“My brother dated a lot of strippers. They’re good girls,” I added with a shrug. You see, I’ve been trying to understand the fine line between judgment and understanding. I know what these girls do… I don’t think that makes them bad people, but it is a poor choice of lifestyle. I don’t really know how to address it… I can’t say stripping is wrong, but it’s not right. I suppose it’s a business because it’s lucrative. If it didn’t make money, it wouldn’t exist. *shrugs* People will do what you pay them for and there are people who really enjoy that atmosphere –I can’t exclude myself from them. Usually, when I comment on my favorite topic (h*es) I end in feeling like… somebody’s got to do it… but it won’t be me. I love the h*tivities (h*e activities) because they let you know what’s going on around you. Recently went to a little shindig where a girl walked in with a can of whipped cream. She’d put some on her breasts and walked around to the guys in the room asking them if they wanted to lick it off. When they wouldn’t participate, she’d lick it off herself. When the guys stopped paying mind, some of the other ladies in the room decided to be the party, got on a table and licked each other off. You can call this subliminal if you like… but just because ladies want to put that image out for themselves, I won’t condone it. “They’re licking it off each other,” I was told, so I sat back in my chair, in the corner of the room. I decided not to participate nor witness and continued sipping my Hennessy & wine — I was actually turnt up that night, but my “turnt up” only gets to be but so much. The benefit of being around other females is understanding what other females do… what your men see… It allows you to establishing who you are –if you are, indeed, any different.
The benefit of being friends with males is hearing what they have to say when all other females leave the room. The things risque females do entertain them.. but they don’t impressthem. They don’t exactly want to bring you home to mom and they actually fear bringing you around theirhomie
s… unless groups are what you
. “Women in this country, they don’t cook. They don’t clean…” I had an hour-long conversation with a co-worker of mine yesterday, but had to inform her that it’s not of this country (although maybe it is), it’s of this generation. We’ve fought so hard for equal rights; the only difference between men and women now is the physical make-up. The talk about men being dogs and having no respect is no longer specific to men. When you sit most guys down, they’ll actually talk to you about how important it is for them to be gentlemen and how they desire a traditional woman… the issues only arise when you allow them to treat you differently. You advertise yourself as what you are. You are what you are and you’ll be employed for that.
I sometimes fear myself. I feel stronger than myself and, at 5’2, my sweet demeanor seems to make people doubt my strength. I used to be quicker to judge. I used to care more about what people thought –not to change my opinions, but to let them know mine so that I could try to help and change them. I’ve learned that people are who they are and the only thing I can do is lead by example. I see everything. I feel strongly about everything –I’m not indecisive at all — , but I also understand that just like no one is me, I’m not them. I can’t tell people how to behave, and no one can tell me how to behave. We find entertainment in different places. I’d also say, you have to be strong to take your clothes off for crumbled dollar bills *shrugs*. I suppose I just wish things would be different but no laws (man-made nor God-given) can truly, immediately change how people act. Actually… the most effective method of altering someone’s behavior is… Money.
“I don’t think I should ever have to pay for anything when I’m out with guys. Ever…” This particular homie typically agrees with almost everything I tweet but that didn’t sit well with him. Since I do hang with so many males, I know they look for “real women” –a woman who cooks, cleans, etc., but they rarely speak about what their part is in exchange. If a woman cooks and cleans, what do you do? What is the trade off? I have the bad habit of treating all of my male friends like men. I cook for them. Clean up after them. Consider their welfare. Worry about their safety soon as the sun sets. “Woman” is very close to “mother” to me. When a man marries, he stops leaning on his mother and his wife takes over those responsibilities. I’ve heard the phrase “I’m not your mother,” but you shouldn’t have to raise a man. What you’re expected to do is everything else –cook, clean, laundry *shrugs* But again what does a man do? He picks you up, holds the door open, pulls out your chair, pays the bill and makes sure you get home safe. If he wants to court you, he shows up with flowers –yes, even if you don’t like them.
Empty handed, greedy and underdeveloped, are the words I use to describe today’s men. They want you to be their friends and treat you no differently although they want it to be different. They assume a woman should get used to him being frugal aka broke because she loves him –well, honey… I love you enough to tell you that you need to get your sh*t together. I don’t need a man to lean on me, I need a man to lean on. I’m not full out of the nonsense, but I’m slowly learning. I’m at the point now where men will take me to dinner anywhere I want. If they don’t put me on a budget then sit and watch how much I eat and/or waste we might even go out on a second date. After that, though, they wonder what they’re getting in return and decide my occasional company is not enough. We both know I’m worth it, but if I don’t love you or feel for you somehow, there’s no restaurant in the world that will make me make an exception. Ladies: You can’t just give yourself. I’ve said it before, but if you want something go for it. What I want is perfection… and frankly, I damned near give instructions on this site, so I don’t consider myself wrong for expect that. I want someone who wants to give me everything I desire. In turn, I’ll give him everything he desires.
I don’t believe in 50/50– that’s just two people doing a half-assed job. I believe in 100/100. If any man doesn’t agree with this… he’s obviously not the man for me. When it comes to male “friends” paying for me to go out, I expect that as well. That’s how my friends treat me at home. That’s how my family treats me here. That’s what I expect. I don’t judge anybody for not feeling the same way, I also simply understand the circumstances and have to go out with you accordingly. Unfortunately, I’m too grown up, have too many bills and am trying to invest in my future to steadily to spend money frivolously. Group functions don’t do it for me anymore. I’m a 24-year-old woman who works overtime to live on her own and pay her own bills.
We forget we are individuals. & most individuals forget to grow up. You have the right to decided what you do and what you expect —everyone does. We judge each other based on our own standards when there is no standard for all of us. I’m not made for every man, I’m made for one man. I only expect one man to agree with me. Until then, I’ll avoid the disagreements/arguments and continue to pay my bills in peace. I don’t expect any women to agree with me because I’m heterosexual, so I don’t really care what they think 🙂 I’ve lost many, many friends due to how I feel because I can’t hang around people whose actions don’t let me world move smoothly, with confidence in my surroundings. If I’m not comfortable, I’m not comfortable.
I actually don’t want to be around too many people. I don’t see too much of a purpose to it. I actually consider a lot of things a waste of time –I don’t even watch TV. People take up time I could spend learning to improving myself or figuring out the next steps for my career(s) or writing and cultivating my art or… I could get another job to pay these bills. I give my time to people every once in a while, but the problem is, they end up wanting it too often. They just want to do things to be in my presence with no consideration of the other things I have to do and other people who want to spend time with me. It always amuses me that when people are too busy for you, they’re simply too busy. But when they’re free to hang, you should be free, too. I don’t like to waste my time. More so, though, I don’t like the things people do.
That’s the reason I put myself out here. My unborn children mean the world to me. I’m going to show them the path I have decided is right and pray they stray as much as is healthy. Till then, I lock myself in my cave. My daughters will be ladies and my sons will be gentlemen. Ladies, don’t invite me out if you plan on being thirsty and distasteful. Fellas, don’t invite me out if you plan on being cheap. Everything is so real.
It hurts me to see women degrade themselves and throw themselves at men (which is what most I’ve seen do) so I don’t go out much. I don’t take up too many offers to go out with my male friends because we’re only going out because you’re a male and either I won’t invite you over or you shouldn’t be in my house so often, so we play this friend game and go out, but that just ends up being an expense for me because A) you can’t afford to be a proper host or B) You aren’t my man –or a gentlemen — so your ego won’t let you pay for me. If you’re a man going out with only enough to spend on yourself, you’re not a man (at least not my kind of man)… you’re a boy. If I don’t have money to go out, I stay home. If I can’t buy myself a drink, I stay home. Even when I offer dinners I rarely/never ask guys to chip in for groceries because I was raised to simply offer if I have, not when I don’t. Issues arise when men end up wanting to sit at your table like part-time kings. If you want to be treated like a god, At least bring wine. Something. I don’t have the time, money or patience for friendships and especially not for friendships with lonely/unsatisfied men. Money makes people do and miss out on amazing things. I’m in my feelings. But someway, somehow, I’ve got to address the conversations people won’t have in real life. It gets real lonely when you stop agreeing with the majority of the world. It’s also tough when the reason why you stop hanging with people is because you’re trying to be a better person and set standards for yourself. But if you feel a certain way, you should stay steadfast in how you feel. I’m not saying how I feel is right, but it’s what’s right for me and others may or may not agree. I have feelings. I have opinions, I don’t necessarily judge but you can feel free to judge me. That’s what I do and that’s what I’m here for.
@PresidentELLA – Twitter, instagram & all that.